Friend Therapy: Love Shrinks Tumors

[caption id="attachment_29594" align="alignleft" width="150"] Pool Party Interview[/caption]

A woman from Miramichi is battling cancer with the help of her girlfriends. Maureen McIntyre is half-way through her chemotherapy treatments, and on a recent trip to her specialist in Moncton, she was told that her tumors are shrinking significantly. "Whatever you are doing, keep on doing it," her doctor told her.

What she didn't tell her doctor is that she believes it has been the love her friends that is responsible for the improvement in her condition.

When Maureen was a kid going to school she met some girls that would be her friends for life. When she got to junior high, she met another of group of girls. They all became friends and have been helping each other for over 30 years.

At a pool party at one of the girl's homes, Maureen explained how they all met. "Half of us went to St. Andrews, the other half went to St. Micheals. By the time we all got to junior high, we were inseparable," Maureen explained.

For the past 5 years, the girls have been getting together often to socialize and support one another.

"We all kind of lost touch for a little bit as we were raising our families, but 5 years ago when I got cancer for the first time, they all got together and organized a benefit for me and they all came and we got in touch again. Since then we have been getting together more regularly."

The girls meet for supper at someone's house about once a month and get caught up. Sometimes they have a pool party like they were doing last weekend.

Maureen said she didn't like the idea of a benefit five years ago, but her friends went forward with it anyway and she said she really appreciated it. Since that time, other girls in the group have experienced some personal tragedies and the group has come together for their benefit, too.

In the spring, Maureen was diagnosed with cancer again and she has been taking treatments that have had both physical and emotional side effects. And when her friends found out, they have rallied around her once again.

Sheryl McClusky is one of Maureen's childhood friends who grew up in the same neighbourhood. Sheryl has a job, a husband, children and grandchildren. But since her friend's cancer returned, she has faithfully tried to make her recovery less stressful for both Maureen and her family.

"This girl makes me supper every Friday night since I have been sick," Maureen said of Sheryl. "She just gives gives gives gives."

Sheryl says there are other people in her household that help too. "If I can't get home from work on time, I have either my mother or my husband or one of the boys cooking chicken or baking the lasagna," Sheryl said.

"Her whole family is pitching in to help me," said Maureen.

There are girls that have moved away, and the group always keeps them informed about when they are getting together in case they plan on making the trip. Some girls who now live in St. John will make the trip to Miramichi to have supper with their friends once a month. The group decided to have a group photo taken, and the session was planned so that Paula Cripps could attend while she was home from Ontario.

Sheryl explained that the group has a private facebook page where they share news, post inspirational messages for their friends, and plan get-togethers. Maureen lets the group know how she is feeling, and if she has enough energy to socialize.

"This is my therapy," said Maureen, with all her friends around her soaking up the sun. Maureen explained that if she didn't have her friends' company, she would probably just be resting at home. "I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for them. I'd just be laying around or something."

Sheryl added that she didn't know anyone who could handle the situation as courageously as Maureen has. Maureen recently spent the day on the water at Bay du Vin and enjoyed every minute of it. "I have to live," said Maureen. "I'm thankful for every day that I have."

Carol McKinley had her own personal tragedy last year. Her husband died suddenly, and she soon experienced the uplifting support of her group of friends.

"There was never a night that went by that I didn't have a phone call or something like that. Even my young daughters noticed that my friends were instrumental in helping get through it. It just blows you away to know how many people care about you and want to see you get through it," Carol said.

Maureen acknowledges that it's not easy to take that first step if you need help, or if you want to help. "It's hard to ask for help," Maureen said. "But with these girls you don't have to ask," Maureen said. "When times were rough, they just knew when to show up." Even though Maureen knows her friends will give her space when she needs it, comfort when she needs it, distraction when she needs it, there were times when she was still hesitant to reach out to them.

"But I've learned you have to reach out to people. If I could give anyone advice about what to do if a friend is need, don't be shy. Reach out," Maureen said. She says people who are sick should also reach out to their friends. "Because they want to help, so reach out to them."

Other friends in the group admitted to being reluctant to approach Maureen when they found out the bad news about her cancer.

Sonia McKenzie said she felt like she was taking time away from Maureen and her family. "I personally had a hard time reaching out to Maureen," said Sonia. "I was feeling selfish for wanting to see her." Sonia began to cry. "There were so many precious moments that she could be spending with her family rather than entertaining her friends." Sonia said she felt guilty seeing Maureen, who was sick, entertaining people who came to visit her.

Maureen said in the beginning she was hesitant to tell people she wasn't up to having company or not feeling well, but she says she has learned to tell people when it's a good time to visit and when it isn't.

Kelly Creamer said when she was younger there were times she felt like she didn't want to burden her friends who were having problems by visiting them. "But in the long wrong, you have to go. It helps them and it helps you."

The girls say that their spouses think it is great. They are happy to see the girls getting together and helping each other. "But they're not allowed to come," they joked.

[caption id="attachment_29591" align="alignleft" width="300"] Maureen and Sam[/caption]

Maureen has a husband and two sons at home. "My husband thinks this is great. He loves to see me doing these things, and he needs an opportunity to do something different himself, other than worrying about me. He's my inspiration, too," she admitted. Sam, her husband, is also a cancer survivor.

One of the girls in the group has known Maureen's husband, Sam, since they were kids. Fran McLean grew up with Sam in Baie Ste-Anne and says that he has told her how much he welcomes Maureen's friends' support. "Sam said he appreciates everything the girls do, 'Because I can't be there at the level they are'," he admitted.

The group consensus is that it's a "girls' thing", to be able to support one another in the way that they do. "We love to gab," said Carol, laughing. "Guys might not be as open," another one said.

The girls got together last week to have some group photos done. They all dressed in black, brought their sunglasses, and had some fun at Middle Island while Miramichi photographer Kim Harris took their photos. The photos were posted on facebook, and have received hundreds of views, likes and comments.

Kelly added that she has often wondered how special the group's friendship really is. "I wondered if other people do what we do, but I'm starting to think we are unique because I have had people ask me about those photos. 'Do you guys all live in the same neighbourhood or something?' I tell them, No, we have just been friends for over 30 years. It is special. Not everyone does what we do," Kelly said. "I know Maureen can feel our arms around her every day."

Future events include a get-together to celebrate the kids going back to school in September, and another get-together to celebrate the end of Maureen's chemo treatments in October. The group is looking forward to their 30 year class reunion next year, and they are also contributing money to special bank account so the whole group can take a trip together when they turn 50.

[caption id="attachment_29593" align="alignleft" width="960"] Doreen Hannah, Frankie Colleen Wilt, Paula Cripps McMartin, Sheryl McCluskey, Karen Forrest Cripps, Maureen Carroll Mcintyre, Carol MacKinley, Kelly Creamer, Audrey Jean Lynch, Sonia McKenzie, Carolyn Sutherland, Carmelyn Thompson and Fran mclean.[/caption]

Sheryl wanted MO))) to know that just because Maureen is sick, and not feeling the best on some days, she hasn't stopped helping her friends.

"She was worried about me last week," said Sheryl. "And she made supper for me. Thank you very much it was delicious," she said to Maureen who was laughing, "but don't do it again."

Maureen says there are times when she feels guilty and overwhelmed, and wants to give back. "The guilt really kicks in when the kids start asking what Sheryl will be bringing for supper this week."